Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking {I know, dangerous} about who I am and the story I wish to tell. While I’ve been working this process internally, I haven’t been sharing much on my site, or social media. I’ve just posted some things here and there that felt too wonderful not to share.

Last week through a conversation with my business coach I realized I was waiting for permission. From whom I’m unsure. It’s not as if I had a contact in my phone labeled “permission giver,” and all I needed to do was call her up.

While I had been busily shouting “Hey! Is it ok to share the messy and in between parts?” into an abyss for weeks, The real permission giver was standing by, patiently waiting.

Receiving no answer, I finally realized it was me. I was the giver. I needed to ask myself for permission. So I did.

The conversation went like this:

“Uh hey! Thanks for taking my call, I know you’re busy. Sorry about before. I didn’t know you were the one I was supposed to ask, but now I understand. I would like to know, can I have the green light on writing about anything I wish?”

Of course it couldn’t be easy, instead of an answer I received a question. “What story do you want to tell?”

I replied, “Well, I would like to write about all parts of my life, combined together, they are the story. I feel confined by writing about only one aspect. I would like to talk about my unconventional life, all of it. The messy pieces, the funny parts, the ridiculous situations I find myself in. But most of all, the difficult bits. But I’m scared to be vulnerable in front of others.”

“It’s ok to be scared and sharing your vulnerability will help dispel your fear.”

“Thank you. So it’s alright to write about it all, I have your permission?”

“You always did.”

I thanked myself and then slowly put down the phone with the words you always did, echoing in my heart.

At the risk of sounding like total internet cheese, seeking and granting myself permission feels like a rebirth; every bit as difficult as coming through the canal the first time.

I am drawn to vulnerability in others. I stand in awe of the warriors who tell their story unapologetically. Owning their actions and thoughts, recognizing it’s part of their own growth process. They are truly courageous in my eyes.

I’m sharing this with you as a first step in being more transparent. Not in the overshare on Facebook kind of way, but in a vulnerable kind of way.