Know What You Need. And Make.It.Happen.

I lived in Seattle for 12 years. I love that city. But the ever present rain can be a bit much. Being a Seattleite all those years conditioned me to want to be outside every moment when it’s sunny. A perfectly sunny weekend with a breeze. Outside. A hint of sun on a Tuesday afternoon? For all that’s sacred in the world go outside even if it’s for a 7 minute walk around the block.

All these years later, I still feel the same. The guilt blanket of “wasting” a sunny day. Even the language is shaming. Who decides what a waste is and isn’t? Also the whole notion is moot, because I live in California now. My days of sunshine are no longer fleeting. In fact, they’re the norm. The rule. So when Sunday rolls around all sunny and chipper, I don’t have to run out and throw my face into the sun.

In fact this Sunday I didn’t. I went to breakfast and drank a delicious cappuccino, but then I was satisfied and went directly back home to wear my pajamas, do some laundry, and shuffle around the house. Divine. And I don’t say that word lightly.

Mimmo went out for a walk around Stanford’s campus accompanied by one of our friends, Donato, who’s visiting from Italy. Really, you’re not going? Donato asked. Mimmo replied in quick Italian, Robyn needs her alone time to recharge. Don’t worry, she will be happy to stay home. 

Damn skippy. No truer words have been spoken. Last week was a good one, also long. Saturday was go-go all day and then slid right into us hosting a pasta party for 13. I do love to make pasta and entertaining, but today I am done. All done. And even though it was sunny and even though I am a big lover of Stanford campus. I stayed home, ate pasta party leftovers, and loved every moment.

I could have gone and had a good time. But it wasn’t what was best for me. It’s our job to know these things about ourselves and honor them. And sometimes it’s not easy. Maybe you feel an obligation to do something your Mom, maybe a friend, or the world at large wants you to. No matter how many times you paint the situation with the well-it-will-be-ok, brush, when it comes down to it, you would be doing it for them, not you.

Man that’s some dangerous territory that quickly slip slides into feelings of resentment. Which is usually the result of shaky boundaries — either with ourselves or someone else. The thing is YOU know what’s best for you. And if you’re not following through on it, the world won’t end. It won’t. But you will be thinking the whole time, why did I just do that? Why did I sacrifice what I knew what was best for me? This isn’t good for anyone, because now I’m depleted/tired/not at my best.

Fill in the blank, the outcome is the same.

No one is coming to make you the number one priority. The job opening has only one appointee — You. So don’t disappoint yourself. Your happiness depends on it.