Your Ultimate Guide to Busting Through Fear

Copy of Three things - Embracing Inner Idiot (8)

Your Ultimate Guide to Busting Through Fear

Fact — I like to skip small talk and go in for big talk. Of course during coaching sessions with clients, but also at a party with someone I’ve just met or maybe with a family member I haven’t seen in awhile. Rather than discuss the mind numbing topic of weather, I want to know what you have on deck in life, if you’re lying awake at 4 am, and what’s on your wishlist.

I’ve learned by being honest with my own struggles and listening to theirs — we are virtually all the same. Identical thought patterns or “problems” that feel so unique in our head, are anything but.

You’re chock full of commonalities with the stranger in line behind you at the grocery store, your new buddy at the gym, and the second cousin you haven’t seen in 12 years because you have “nothing” to talk about.

I’ve found, by far, the most prevalent topic is fear. Not that we come out and say, “I’m scared.” Fear masquerades as doubt, worry, anxiety, or that inner self-critic and then plays out in our mindset, actions, and conversations.

Let’s consider a few fear-based phrases and mindsets that may feel familiar

It may sound like, “I can’t.”
And you’re right! You can’t because you told yourself you can’t and now you believe it to be true. And until you have a shift in thinking, this WILL be your reality.
What about, “No, that’s not going to work because…”
This could be based in merit. It might not work because of a missing step or more information needed. But if you find yourself saying this more often that not without brainstorming some solutions or workarounds, this is fear.
Or maybe, “I’ll do that later. Right now I need to work on X.”
Which may be valid, but if you fill your days with lists of small tasks and don’t find yourself making progress on bigger projects, this is fear.

It looks like never throwing your hat in the ring to lead the big project at work.
It keeps you from submitting an application for a new position you really want in your dream city.
It doesn’t think you should AT ALL speak to your boss about working from home one day a week.

Now that we have identified how fear sounds, feels, and looks like in everyday life, let’s talk about what we can do about it.

For the purposes of this post, I’m going to focus on actionable ways to deal with fear. I will save the behind the scenes patterns leading to fearful thoughts for another post. Right now, I want to provide you with a toolkit and get you moving through your fear.

Here’s Why —

When you’re operating in fear, Making Gold is not an option. You’re in survival mode and can’t think much past it let alone make the best of your day.

You’ve likely heard me talk about Making Gold before, it’s the phrase I use to describe making the best of where you are now. With what’s in front of you. Ultimately leading the way to where you want to go. One foot in front of the other.

If I could cover the words in glitter and have a unicorn jump out of the screen at your face I would, just to highlight how impactful it can be in your life.

Making Gold is about putting habits in place. Perspective. Spending time with yourself and getting REAL clear on what you’re doing (or not) and want for your days and life. It’s about applying 7 ways to turn your days into gold.

Download The 7 Ways to Turn Your Days into Gold Workbook Now!

Use these 7 habits to create the life (you know in your guts), you’re meant to be living by making one small adjustment every day. Click the button to get started!

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But back to fear, let’s give fear a persona. It feels more warm and fuzzy that way, doesn’t it?

I like to think of fear as a well meaning, albeit selfish great aunt who wants you to remain living with her. All cozy and tucked in. Living small and comfortable. Let’s call her Aunt Betty. She wants us to stay inside the house! All safe, risk-free, and certainly not working toward something that scares us, or causes us to worse yet, *gasp* fail.

One of the ways Aunt Betty shows up is whispering those lies we talked about earlier, all the “I can’t” talk. Blah, blah A. Betty.

She also likes to distract you from doing the work. YOUR work. Whatever it is. For me, right now, Aunt Betty showed up uninvited and began yammering away about how she didn’t want me to make FB live videos. Nope. And I’ll quote her here, “It’s too risky! What if no one watches, or who needs your dumb toolkit anyway?”

Fortunately I didn’t listen to her and went on about my business anyway. But it’s not always easy is it? She likes to talk, loudly. Probably has hearing issues.

The best way for me to vanquish fear is to double down on action. Productive movement forward. Before I have talked myself out of making progress or pulled some “evidence of fact” from my brain to support the fear, I am already moving forward.

While I may be second guessing myself even while I’m in motion, it’s the action that helps me bust through the voice in my head, the one that’s trying to keep me small and scared.

Let’s run through the tools I use to to get Aunty Betty to just shut up already.

Six Ways to Work Through Fear

1. List of Three

This gem is perfect for a couple of scenarios —

If you’re feeling super unmotivated first thing in the morning OR if 4 pm is looming with a to-do list a mile long, this is your best friend.

Anything can go on the list of three. Anything. I have been known to write get out of bed even after I already shuffled to the kitchen just so I could have the satisfaction of marking it off the list.

Go ahead and write down pour coffee, but also feel free to include send that really hard email from two weeks ago, on there as well. The rule is once the list is made, you must work on only those things. Any order is fine, but nothing else. No mindlessly scrolling social media and resist becoming distracted by other things you just HAVE to do RIGHT now. Nope you don’t. You have three things to do. That’s it.

Why it works: Studies show when you check things off a list dopamine is released! Yay dopamine! The success of one item no matter how trivial propels you to the next and so on. You’ll be surprised how quickly putting a load of clothes in to wash will have you moving steadily through your list of three and then three more.

Use the List of Three to Jumpstart Your Day or for some late afternoon fear busting!

2. The Pomodoro Technique

From small tasks to ongoing projects the Pomodoro Technique is a solid go to. A time management technique based on 25 minutes of working blocks of time with a 5 minute rest in between, once the timer starts you must focus on the one task at hand.

This works crazy well. But you have to treat it as gospel. Once that timer begins, there’s no flitting around from tab to tab, or picking up your phone, this is a solid work period.

I like to set my timer on my muted phone, turn it upside down so I don’t see any notifications rolling through, and relax into focused working without distraction.

Try This: If you’re looking for a bit of tech support to keep you on track, you can fire up one of the many pomodoro applications.

I go for the more low tech approach and use the Productivity Planner.

3. Let’s Just Try it Out

Sometimes we procrastinate working on a project or even sending an email because we’re fearful it won’t work or we’re uncertain of the outcome. We invent all the ways we will fail and then never take a step forward. Then comes the fear loop and we’ve worn ourselves out to the point we need to take a nap. Then nothing gets done. Rinse and repeat.

Shrugging your shoulders and saying out loud “let’s see what happens,” releases you from the expectation of success. It may feel silly, but say it aloud anyway, a few times if necessary.

This mindset allows you to view your project or scary next step as an experiment. You’re trying it out and gathering information which can be used the next time around.

In general I like to think of life as a grand experiment and we’re all here to learn new things. If you need a push to get the ball rolling, combine this tool with either List of Three, or the Pomodoro Technique.

4. The “So What” Method

We’re all pretty much hard wired the same. When coming up with reasons something won’t be successful, we work ourselves up to the point we’re living in our Mom’s basement (if we’re lucky) with no money. And to this we can say “So What?”

Also known as “worst case” scenario, this trick brings our worst fears into the open and allows us to boil it down to a solution. Maybe living in your Mom’s basement isn’t that great, but it’s still a solution. So go ahead and indulge yourself with every thought. Then follow it with “So What”. It’s like solving for X.

Each time, at the end you realize there is indeed a solution. This allows us the freedom to begin taking steps forward to accomplish the thing that was holding us hostage.

Also, let’s be real with this — the more likely outcomes of doing something are usually much lower stakes. Much of fear comes from the unknown or feeling vulnerable in some way. Just give it a “So What?” and keep right on trucking along.

5. Bribe Yourself

The good old bribe. I don’t know about you, but this one is highly effective for me. I’m forever working on a series of things and then following it up with a reward. Also works well in combination with the other, above methods.

The key to this method is making sure the bribe is healthy for your mind, body, and spirit. Yes I like ice-cream but if I’m eating it every day at 3 pm, that’s not going to go over well for me.

I tend to focus on moving my body and going outside. Especially after having sat in front of my computer for hours. Also, if I have enough time even going to the grocery store becomes chill when I can peruse the shelves while listening to a favorite podcast.

If you’re a mom of two and reading this, don’t throw your shoe at me re: my leisurely grocery store adventures. I hear you, time is of essence.I have put together a list of some of my favorite bribes.

Ideas:

Listen to a podcast you’ve been saving.
Read a chapter from a book.
Go for a walk outside.
Play with your dog or your neighbor’s dog. Anyone’s dog will do.
Go down the street and have a coffee at the new place that just opened.
Make yourself a delicious lunch instead of absentmindedly eating while typing.
Stand up, stretch, and drink a huge glass of water.
Call your friend. Actually call them on the phone and speak like a human.
Listen to a 5 or 10 minute meditation or close your eyes and count your breaths

Strap on your shoes and go for a walk, even if it’s in the stairwell at work.

6. Accountability

If you’re motivated by being accountable, this one is your jam.

You could employ the help of a reliable friend to be your accountability buddy for the duration of a project. I’ve done this for big writing projects and it was super helpful. I knew that every afternoon I was going to get a text asking me if I wrote for three hours that morning. The VERY last thing I wanted to do was respond, “No. I decided to scroll twitter and look at cat memes instead.” Nope.

You could also go all in and enlist a group of helpers by declaring your intent to work on something/achieve a specific result on social media.

Highly effective and also can be scary just to type the words out in a post. This one works well for me especially when announcing new content coming out.

Nothing says accountability like: “Join me tomorrow when I go live to discuss _____!” It’s pretty much a done deal at that point.

However you like to hold yourself accountable, this tool is highly effective for bringing results.

Now Get Out There and Vanquish Fear!

Kidding, but not. Here’s what you need to do now —

Try out the above methods and see what works for you. Mix and mingle them, do what works for you. Get clear on where fear is showing up and how it tries to keep you small and safe. The point is not to be free from fear. If you are, then you’re likely living in a bubble, doing safe little things that probably aren’t putting a smile on your face.

The point is to let the fear in and then move forward anyway. I love the below quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt —

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.

Indeed. True courage is pushing through to the other side because it’s more scary to quit. To not work toward your bigger goals and get into the Making Gold Mindset. If you want more on this topic I put together this video about fear and failure and this post as well.

If you got something positive out of this post and you think someone you know will as well, hit the share button and pass it along. The easiest way for this to reach more people is a share and I of course appreciate it and you. Thanks for reading.

Ciao for Now!

Download The 7 Ways to Turn Your Days into Gold Workbook Now!

Use these 7 habits to create the life (you know in your guts), you’re meant to be living by making one small adjustment every day. Click the button to get started!

Reveal First Secret: "I Don’t Know is Not An Answer"